When the Truth Hurts
“How do I do this? How am I supposed to go on? Help me, oh, why won’t you help me?”
The pleas and cries continually rip from the soul in an effort to seek answers for an unfulfilled life. A life that has gone off the rails in every human aspect and plan known to man.
One moment the body is healthy and content, the next, it’s revolting against all that is known to this world— fighting the natural order. Dreams and plans disintegrate… vanish in an instant. Not selfish, vain dreams, but those centered around YOU, oh Lord.
Or were they?
In my mind, my thoughts, yes. My heart, definitely. I wanted to please God. I needed to as well as show how much I love Him. God was everything to me and I’d spent most of my young life ignoring Him, mocking Him. And now? Just when I thought I had it right, had I angered Him, disappointed Him?
All I knew was that when I had shown Him how I felt— the depth of my feelings, He took everything away! Everything I intended to use to help Him, to work for Him, and crushed it in an instant. I was confused. But even more than that, I was angry. I was devastated beyond belief… almost beyond almost faith.
Why did— no, why would God reject the very plans of a devout believer, destroy their health, and deliberately hurt them? WHY? Wasn’t He a loving God? A Living, Breathing One who indwells within His Own? Why?
This was the question which wracked me following my CRPSII diagnosis and on into the years after losing my career and ability to function as a wife and housewife when I became disabled.
Losing my vitality was a devastating blow to an independent woman and human being. Thankfully, God’s supportive people and creatures surround me and have helped with the transition.
But the question “Why?” still lingered in my mind. Why would God take away everything I worked so hard to build— for Him? To use— for Him?
I railed and cried… cursed and yelled… oh yes, I did. I won’t deny it. It was brutal. Before your genteel Christian sensibilities cry foul and cringe in judgmental horror, let me assure you, this state of grief, rage, and denial is and was normal. It’s also okay even as a Christian so don’t shrink away or close the browser.
The Lord and I have reconciled, and I’ve asked forgiveness for all my past sins and been extended forgiveness by Jesus. I am so thankful that my God is an awesome God and His blood covers me. I’m completely forgiven and HE LIVES WITHIN ME AND LOVES ME ANYWAY.
For those unsure of what happened during this time ? It’s called being a HUMAN. How did I overcome such pain, anger, and disdain for the Lord for interfering with my plans for HIM?
It was rather simple actually. I stopped fighting GOD. I turned back to HIS WORD— JESUS. (Not to other people’s opinions or ideas of what Him but to simply HIM… HIS WORD.)
I found out what JESUS—GOD— WANTED ME TO DO. I searched His WORD to discover what HE HAS TO SAY about what I NEEDED TO DO. I prayed, asked, and talked to Him personally and privately about WHY AND HOW HE WANTS ME to act. I yielded all that I am and want for myself and GOD TO GOD.
In other words, I WOKE UP to one very UNCOMFORTABLE but NECESSARY FACT about Jesus Christ and HIM as the Savior and center of my LIFE.
What fact was that? The fact is HE IS ACTUALLY IN CHARGE OF MY LIFE NOT ME. I don’t ALWAYS NEED to understand everything that happens within it or all that He does within it. In fact, it is okay if I don’t, even BETTER than okay. It’s PERFECT.
Isaiah 55:8-9 (NASB) “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts.”
But what about those dreams? Do they go away? Do we stop dreaming— reaching for the stars, for heaven? No. After all, we are human and we love our Father in Heaven and want to help Him. We were given a divine commission, weren’t we?
The one imperative, however, amongst the stars, is to remember our dreams are HIS reality. To dream is natural and for us to realize those dreams is His hope as our Savior. Do not fight the Master, help Him give you your heart’s desires… but be sure they are HIS DESIRES AS WELL and to make them holy.
Serve your God with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding but in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths… Do not mistake those you believe are for Him when in reality they are but for yourself.
Always pray for revelation of the TRUTH and then be prepared for what comes.
TRUST HIM TO REVEAL THE TRUTH EVEN WHEN THE TRUTH HURTS.
What comes may not be what you expect.
In Christ always,
Renee B.
Renee Blare Christian Author 